Slap someone in front of a computer connected to the 'net for the first time, leave them alone for five minutes, and I can guarantee you they'll find a few seconds to whip open a search engine and type the word "porn". It's human nature. Everyone does it. Except for probably monks and nuns. Well, most nuns. Okay, a few nuns. And monks only due to the fact that 'net connections in monasteries are fairly rare.

In undertaking this writing task, I've had the unenviable task of researching the internet porn industry. Basically what I did was whip open a search engine and type "porn". The results were less than delightful.

Should you manage to find online porn that's not laden with badly coded Java popups, ridiculously badly written websites and horrendous colours, you'll most likely be presented with a page containing a dozen or so over-compressed images the size of Sting's genitalia depicting a 40-year old prostitute dressed as a schoolgirl. Not very exciting.

But the point of this exercise was to discover how easy it is to find such things, and much to my surprise, the answer is "quite". Granted, the sexual appeal of what's available isn't huge, but it IS available, and most sites make no effort to protect young surfers or monks with 'net connections.

Having moved along from the topic of online porn, I'll move onto the topic of "participatory pornography", which is what I prefer to call cybersex, or online sex, or whatever.

It's a tawdry affair. Two people hide (if you're lucky) in a private message box, and proceed to describe to each other various lewd acts. It's the online equivalent of erotic stories, albeit with participation.

Is it a sexual act? Yes. Bill Clinton would disagree no doubt, but it is a sexual act. The human mind operates on imagery. The brain isn't able to distinguish the difference between a mental image and reality, it all holds the same weight. This is why reading a novel that you're very interested in can seem real. Sexual interest is probably more powerful than one's interest in the latest Harry Potter episode, even to the extent that it obscures other senses (including the common one), so that the mind believes that what it's receiving is real. Therefore, typing out descriptions of sexual acts in the heat of arousal is a sexual act. Just ask your spouse. They'll agree.

Cyber sex is rather funny, in my opinion. If I'm feeling in the mood for it, I'll string them along and go "And then, while you wonder what that strange smell is, I prematurely ejaculate and ruin your bedsheets. By the way, get a life."

- Typo, Yahoo! Chat session. Date unknown.